I had promised myself never to write about the so-called bloggers. I mean, they are the scum of the galaxy, the bottom feeders of our society and the scavengers who eat after everyone has had their fill, so why should I even bother myself with such?
Oh, I am sorry readers, who don’t know what a blogger is. A blogger is typically any dimwit with internet connection, rent to pay and a lot of free time.
Now, I am not talking about those young girls who blog about food, clothes and boyfriends. I am talking about the political bloggers — opposition or government paid — the guns for hire who sell themselves to the highest bidder for a morsel of toast.
WANNABE ACTIVISTS
They are wannabe activists who pose as “society watchdogs” but they are really no different from the call girls you see on the streets.
They are fawning parasites, who scavenge for coins and little monies from politicians to buy milk for their tots.
They live off gossip and slander to pay rent in their low-class Eastlands apartments where you have to jump over puddles of sewage to get from one miserable place to the other.
They have a cult-like sycophancy to their political babas — or godfathers — whom they worship like demigods.
They are the self-proclaimed “sycophant-in-chief”, “commander-in-chief-online-forces”, the yes-man number one to deluded political babas with forlorn kingship dreams. They receive meals in return for flattering remarks and favourable tweets about their political fathers.
Too bad, they don’t realise that they are being used by their political godfathers and will be disposed of for younger, brighter bloggers.
SILLY LITTLE BLOGS
They run silly little blogs without an ounce of traffic, where they publish these silly stories about people and individuals based on rumours and hearsay.
Their only claim to fame is sensational tweets and exaggerated Facebook posts that peddle tales in a desperate bid to gain traction.
Rumours they have heard from their so-called “sources” in media houses and corporate organisations. Their sources. Let me tell you about their sources.
Their sources are the malicious, cut-rate journalists, those poorly paid employees and struggling scribes who live off “brown envelopes” from politicians.
These sources — some of whom are clan mates with the bloggers — are the newsroom renegades who send these bloggers screen-shots of every email with special correspondence from the bosses.
GRAMMATICAL ERRORS
Their blogs are rife with non-factual, poorly written stories, full of immense grammatical errors and devoid of professionalism. Maybe such bloggers could enlist the editing and subbing skills of some of their newsroom sources.
These so-called political bloggers who pride themselves as “authoritative” and “bold” are nothing more than lily-livered school yard bullies with a face that only a mother could love.
A weathered, battered face that could stop a clock. They attack media bosses, corporate czars, CEOs, blue-chip companies and even journalists.
In a bid to desperately remain relevant, they publish banter they have heard from reckless and jilted borderline drunkards with loose tongues. They also approach organisations and politicians and ask them for money to tarnish people’s names for a handout or a gift-bag.
DOWNRIGHT COWARDS
They are downright cowards and this is why they often pick on women because they lack the cojones to tackle men.
Since they have such little influence on Twitter and Facebook, they piggyback on trending topics and individuals to remind the rest of us of their existence.
Maybe, I don’t know, today should be the day we call out these bloggers for the corrupt individuals they really are. These alarmists who feed Kenyans tales they have been paid peanuts to publish on their nondescript blogs.
Their predictions are often wrong and their “classified” information has been proven bogus more than once. They pretend to be experts in all topics — from politics to media.
They pretend to be the graft-busters, Eurobond experts, media specialists while in essence; they are really high school dropouts fiddling with topics that are complex and beyond their scope of comprehension.
RUBBISH IDEOLOGIES
These nuisances think that everybody is an enemy and anyone who says anything contrary to the rubbish ideologies of their political babas must face their misguided wrath.
Since these myopic political bloggers live off handouts and bribes from governors and other politicians, you will always find them driving rickety jalopies and selling second-hand electronics to stay afloat.
Who knows what else they do in town to make ends meet? Your guess is as good as mine!
