Featured photo by Trocaire
So, this is the WhatsApp conversation that is getting passed around and I feel like to some extent there is some truth to this well studied demographics about Nairobi estates. Kudos! for the person who wrote this down because it is absolutely somewhat hilarious but truth at the same time. Below is the Nairobi estates social demographics by unknown writer:
1. UMOJA – All alcoholics live here, infact there are more bars in umoja than shops.
2. ZIMMERMAN – All prostitutes strippers and single mothers live here.
3. MAKONGENI, KALOLENI, JERICHO, MBOTELA, BAHATI, UHURU ETC ETC – All those utahama lini children live here, as for girls, they have 3 or 4 children and they still live with their parents.
4. DANDORA, KAYOLE, HURUMA – Role models here are thugs and conductors, infact here the more you get arrested the bigger your celebrity status. The more cat shoes and silver chains you wear …the more your celebrity status. Hapa disco matanga za wezi ni daily.
5. KARIOBANGI – The home of all counterfeits, they are so good at this that they even made their own currency…. BANGLA PESA!!!!!
6. EASTLEIGH – You can buy anything you want here, they are so good they can clone your mother as long as you have cash. Lakini bom bom everywhere..
7. KIBERA – Hooligans, fanatics, Ushamba any thing negative resides here. Hapa kila mtu anajuwa ‘rights’ zake.
8. KAWANGWARE – Home of busaa and very tight security as all the neighbours are in the security industry – ni masojas (Wochmende)
9. NGARA – Student centre …..hapa ukitaka kuonja dem Masai, borana utapata ….students everywhere.
10. PIPELINE – They all work in industrial area
11. BURUBURU, KOMAROCK, DONHOLM, LANGATA, SOUTH B, SOUTH C – All these are Runda’s wannabe. Hapa kizungu ni mingi na mtu akiingia kwa nyumba anaongea Kiswahili ama mother tongue.
12:KIAMBU– hapa utapata watoto wa superheroes, president, ministers, ICC coaches, and they have super ladies trained to kill their husbands in future once he accumulates wealth to a specific proportion.